


Ramblings of a Crazy Old Hermit - Day 1,112

by crazyoldhermit



Series: Obi-Wan Kenobi: Ramblings of a Crazy Old Hermit [33]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Satire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-12
Updated: 2016-06-12
Packaged: 2018-07-14 16:59:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7181366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazyoldhermit/pseuds/crazyoldhermit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The satirical saga continues, as a four year old Luke Skywalker takes on the mighty Chewbacca, and things get a little trippy. </p><p>www.ramblingsofacrazyoldhermit.com</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ramblings of a Crazy Old Hermit - Day 1,112

TATOOINE - Day 1,112:

After releasing Greedo, I advised him to go back and work off his debt to Jabba the Hutt. With him out of my life for the time being, Chewbacca and I enjoyed a few days of uneventful peace. 

Then it was time for Beru and Luke's weekly visit. I knew Beru would find Chewbacca fascinating, but I really wanted to see what Luke's reaction would be toward the 2 1/2 meter tall, hairy behemoth. 

I asked Chewie to remain in the hut as I met Beru outside to inform her about my new house guest. 

"Oh my," Beru gasped, when she first laid eyes on him. She had never been in the presence of a Wookiee before. 

Luke's response was not so subtle. He excitedly screamed "SPACE BEAR!" The four year old completely ignored me, and ran to Chewbacca, grabbing hold of his leg. His pudgy little fists quickly filled with clumps of Wookiee hair as Luke began to climb him. Watching this toddler scale the mighty Chewbacca was the most precious and ridiculous thing I had ever witnessed. The Wookiee alternated between being amused and cringing in pain as tufts of hair fell to the floor. To Chewie's credit, he only emitted little yelps of discomfort in order to not scare off the toddler. 

I translated introductions for Beru, while Luke wrapped his legs around Chewie's neck and burrowed through his hair in an attempt to find his scalp. We talked for hours about the plight of the galaxy, how Anakin became a major asshole, and of Luke's eccentricities. For the rest of the day Luke never let go of Chewbacca, it was as if the Force had brought them together. 

That night while Beru and an exhausted Luke slept in the hut, Chewie and I sat outside around the fire pit. 

"That's one groovy chick you got there, man," Chewie said, letting out a chuckle. 

I looked down and poked the fire with a stick. "Well, I actually have to share her...with her husband. However, I do appreciate you saying so. I would love to be with her all the time, but danger always seems to find me. I can't put her through that anymore."

"That's a bummer, man. But love is what gives a dude his power. It's like an energy field created by all groovy things. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together, man. You can't live without love. That's something Master Yoda never learned."

I looked at Chewbacca in awe. "You are quite the wise and gentle giant."

"Aww, thanks man."

"When you're not ripping men's arms off!" I chuckled. 

Chewie let out a hearty roar. 

"So Chewbacca, I've been meaning to ask you, what do you think of this little sand trap of a planet?"

He looked around briefly. "I miss the trees, man. Trees are totally far out. They're just as important as love. You dig? On Kashyyyk I had the most bitchin' tree house. I'd swing on vines to visit friends and family. I'd climb all the way to the top of the forest canopy and pick Bockta flowers. It was awesome."

"Bockta flowers?" I had never heard of them. 

"Wow man, Bockta flowers are my people's spiritual medicine. It's native only to Kashyyyk. It helps you get in touch with your inner, and outer, space. Here." Chewbacca reached into his one of a kind messenger bag and pulled out a wooden box. He turned towards me and placed the box on his gigantic knees. When he opened it the light from the fire danced across a thousand purple petals. 

"Do you want to take a voyage, man?" Chewie smiled. 

I was hesitant only for a moment. "Well, if it's a spiritual voyage, I don't see why not."

Chewie informed me that these were dried petals, so I'd be missing out on the natural sweetness that fresh picked Bockta contained. He instructed me to take two of the thinner petals and to suck on them until they dissolved in my mouth. 

We continued to talk about Kashyyyk, until I noticed a beautiful golden glow surrounding Chewbacca. 

"Interesting."

"What's that, man?" Chewie snickered. 

"I never noticed your glow before. How did I ever miss that?"

"You're blitzed, dude!" Chewie laughed, slapping my leg. 

"I am not." I began to giggle. 

All of a sudden I felt completely happy, as if Anakin and the Empire didn't exist. A perfect state of peace filled me. The stars were no longer white, but a large array of colors. They slowly made figure eights in the night sky. Then the ground began to rumble and a forest grew from out of the sand. 

"No way!" I said to Chewie, who was now meditating with his eyes closed. 

I stood up and walked past the fire which now emitted a purple flame. I paused only for a moment before entering the wooded area, and immediately took note of a white convor perched on a branch above me. 

The convor spoke to me in Anakin's voice, "Congratulations, you have taken your first step..."

Suddenly a tree snake lowered itself from above the convor and swallowed it whole. The snake belched, and continued in Palpatine's voice, "...into a larger world.” Then it cackled like only The Emperor could. 

The laugh was so deafening I thought my skull would crack. I decided to leave the forest, but when I turned to escape I was engulfed by its branches. It was so dense. I was forced to use my lightsaber to make headway. 

After several meters of slashing my way forward I came to a small clearing. That's when I heard it, the labored mechanical breathing of my former Padawan. He seemed to materialize out of the trees, with his black armor glistening with dew. At his side, he held his red bladed saber. 

"Anakin," I begged, "we don't need to do this."

His deep synthesized voice replied, "That name means nothing to me."

He lunged at me, but my lightsaber became so heavy that I couldn't swing it in time to defend myself. Blow after blow he struck my arms. The searing pain and smell of my own burning flesh caused me to throw my saber at him in a last ditch effort to save my life. 

Vader's head hit the ground and rolled to my feet. I fell to my knees just as the front of his mask exploded. When the smoke cleared the face inside the mask was Mace Windu!

The head spoke, "What are you looking at, motherfucka?!" 

Later, Chewbacca found me face down in the sand, nearly drowning in a pool of my own vomit. 

What a night.


End file.
